OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
