hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
