Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you never un-have a 4some
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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