Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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