Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
