chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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