i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
