Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
