I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
