she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
