listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize