Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
