the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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