I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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