is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
