We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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