So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
