no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
