At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
