so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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