it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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