Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
