my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
