I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
