he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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