Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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