I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think your dad took our porno
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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