The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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