I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
