I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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