the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
