that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
