i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
