They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
did i just pee glitter
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
