I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
50% drunk capacity currently
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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