dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
