JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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