Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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