so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
