great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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