I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
