i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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