I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
