My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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