Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
