the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
