R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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