You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
