just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
