life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I showed him my bush... on skype.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
