Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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