I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
