I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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