I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
