i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
