until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
