apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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