she looked like the before picture.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
