dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
