is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
