Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
