I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
