Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What a fucking waste of an outfit
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
