We won't sleep together?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We are two peas in an std pod
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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