sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
