I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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