I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
