Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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