I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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