Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
