He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
