I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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